Mosaic Moon Read online

  "You're absolutely right about one thing, Ethan." Her hand was shaking a little as she reached over and touched his face. "You deserve so much more than I could ever give you. I am so sorry. I really did want to love you."

  He opened himself up to her a little, pushing through her shields just enough to show his love and sorrow. But there was barely a thread of anger. "Michelle will know how to contact me, if you ever need anything." He took her hand, holding it briefly before releasing her. "You should keep practicing. Your ability is like a muscle that needs to be exercised."

  "Are you leaving Chicago?" That possibility hadn't occurred to her. She'd only thought about them not being intimate any more, not that he'd stop training her altogether.

  "Yeah, I think I will be."

  She wanted to ask him to stay, that she needed him, if not as a lover then most definitely as a friend. But it only took a look at Ethan to know that wasn't an option. It would be harder for him to see her without wanting her or regretting the path their lives had taken, and she cared too much about Ethan to put him through that.

  One last time, Emma reached out to him, but this time, she touched the back of his hand, gathering up every good emotion she'd ever had about him and transmitting it as hard as she could. "You're a good man," she murmured. "And I owe you everything."

  He smiled, but it was just a hint of his usual warmth. "Good luck, Emma."

  She slid out of the car, and though there was an urge to look back when she was out on the walk, Emma didn't. She simply kept her head down, aimed herself at the front door, and started to cry.

  Chapter 10

  * * *

  He hadn't expected to be standing outside Emma's door at four-thirty in the morning. But after five hours of prowling through Chicago's streets and three unsatisfying kills, Gideon knew only one thing.

  Things couldn't go on like this.

  Jesse was miserable. Emma was being stubborn--and probably miserable, too. And Gideon was tired of both of them not saying what they were feeling. One way or another, he was going to resolve this, and if one or the both of them hated him tomorrow for it, then so be it. At least it would be over.

  Somebody had to do it, and it wasn't like he didn't have a few lifetimes of experience being the bad guy.

  Cracking his neck, he listened for signs of life before he knocked. Only one heart beat on the other side, and its tempo told him the person was awake. It better be Emma, he thought as he rapped quietly. At this hour, if he found Ethan answering the door, he might be tempted to tear the man's throat out without a bat of an eyelash.

  It took her several minutes to open the door. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and her face was scrubbed clean. But her eyes were puffy, her nose was red, and her eyes dull. She didn't look anything like the woman who had sauntered into their office earlier that night, or the woman who moved with Jesse on the dance floor like she belonged in his arms.

  "Gideon. What...is something wrong?"

  He had to stuff his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. It wasn't the time yet. "I was hoping we could talk." And then... "Are you all right?"

  Emma sniffed and wiped her nose. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." To prove it, she offered an unconvincing smile and pushed the door open. "Come in."

  Gideon could count on one hand how many times he'd been in her apartment since she'd moved in. Emma was always at their place, or they were meeting her somewhere else. He felt a little bad for not being more familiar with how things were laid out, holding back so that she could lead him into the living room. He picked up on the signs Jesse had told him about, though, the details that weren't hers but Ethan's. The man in question was nowhere to be seen.

  "Where's Ethan?" he asked, pretending to look casually about.

  "I...I don't know. We broke up earlier tonight." She sniffed. "Broke up. It sounds like we're in high school or something."

  Broke up was good. Broke up meant Gideon was right about how she felt about Jesse. But, then again, broke up was bad, because it left Emma a shell of the vibrant woman she'd been just hours earlier. This would have been a hell of a lot easier if Emma wasn't nearly as good a woman as she was and had left Ethan dangling in the wind at White.

  "Did you break up because of what happened at the club?" he asked carefully.

  Emma sat on the couch, her legs curled beneath her, her arms crossed. "I think the club brought some issues to the surface. Ethan wanted to know if...I would ever choose him first."

  He took the seat at the opposite end of the couch in order not to be looming above her. She was skittish and hurting, and the last thing Gideon wanted was to make this harder for her.

  "Over Jesse. And I'll guess since you broke up, you said Jess."

  She looked away from him. "We just wanted different things out of the relationship right now."

  "Because you want Jess." When she stiffened, he added, more gently, "It's pointless trying to pretend to me about it, Emma. You can bottle up the feelings, but you can't stop how your body reacts to him. Just like he can't stop how he reacts to you."

  "Is that what you wanted to talk about? I would never act on it," Emma said quickly. "I respect what you two have together."

  His gaze didn't waver. "And what if I wanted you to act?"

  "What?"

  She looked like a deer caught in headlights, stunned by the simple query he'd made. "You heard me," Gideon said. He slid closer, still maintaining enough distance to keep her from bolting. "Do you know Jesse fantasizes about you? About the three of us together? It's actually my fault, probably. I started it all when you were staying with us, more as a game than anything else. And I stopped when I realized you were more than a beautiful girl. But then Jesse went and did something none of us expected, and now we're here, and all I'm trying to do is get everybody who's important to me as happy as they can be."

  Emma's mouth fell open, and her cheeks blushed a soft pink. Her pulse picked up at the mention of Jesse's fantasies. "Jesse thinks about the three of us? You, and him, and me?"

  "Often enough that he felt guilty about it until I told him I didn't mind."

  Her blush deepened. "Is that why he asked me to stay with him tonight? Because you told him you didn't mind?"

  "Yes. Well, no, it was more than that." Gideon edged a few inches closer, until their knees were barely touching. "It's not just about sex, Emma. If it was, he wouldn't have been in denial about it for so long. He would've jumped you before you ever moved out of our place."

  She looked down to where their knees were touching. "What is it, then?"

  Carefully, unwilling to break the tenuous connection he was building, Gideon reached and caught her chin with his finger, tilting her head back up to meet his eyes. "He loves you," he said. "Enough to ask my permission to rearrange the rules of our relationship if he ever got the chance. Which he tried to take tonight, but, well, we know how that turned out."

  Emma shook her head. "No. No, I mean...why wouldn't he tell me? If he had told me...And he loves you. I felt it, Gideon. I have never felt anything like that before."

  He shook his head. "I never said he didn't love me. He loves both of us." Pausing, he regarded her for a long moment, debating how best to approach this. "Maybe you should feel it for yourself," Gideon suggested. "Come home with me."

  Emma caught her breath. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. Not after everything that's happened tonight. Would he even want to see me right now?"

  "Seeing you come to him this time? He needs that. He needs to know you..." Gideon stopped. Emma had yet to avow anything other than reciprocating Jesse's desire. "What do you feel for Jess? Is he just a friend you want to fuck, or is he something more?"

  Emma smiled with a touch of sadness. "Gideon, Ethan was my first real relationship. He genuinely loves me. And I hurt him tonight because I couldn't tell him I'd choose him over Jesse. So yeah, I guess he's something more."

  Gideon leaned forward. "Even more reason for you to come with me," he ur
ged. He took her hand, ignoring the slight pull when she tried to jerk it away. "Ignore everything Ethan taught you for a few minutes, Em. I want you to read me. Maybe then you'll understand why you need to do this."

  "Okay," she murmured, her hand relaxing in his. She put her other hand on his knee and closed her eyes, her brow furrowing in concentration.

  It had been a long time since Emma had read Gideon. Six months, actually. Since she'd moved out of their apartment and moved temporarily in with Michelle until she'd found her own place. But the experience of it was one of his most vivid in recent memory, and when he was being honest with himself, he missed thinking that she might catch a glimmer of something from him at the least likely moment. He didn't like to talk about his feelings. It was a relief to think with Emma he didn't have to.

  Ethan had taught her well, though. She had erected barriers to them almost immediately, giving Jesse his privacy, solidifying the difficulty in reading Gideon. He knew she just couldn't turn it off, but it took long seconds of him focusing on everything he wanted her to feel before he started to gauge any sort of reactions from her.

  The small gasp of surprise.

  The way her hands warmed on his cool flesh.

  The quick hammering of her heart and the shiver she couldn't quite stifle.

  He didn't know the order in which she would have received the emotions, or even if he'd transmitted the ones he wanted her to feel. What he hoped she got was how much he trusted her, how firmly he believed she and Jesse were so good for each other, and for him, too. There was more--like the satisfaction he gained in helping to bring her back to the world, and the deep-seated need to keep those he cared for close, and the physical desire she managed to evoke in him every time she walked into a room. It was pointless trying to deny that. If he was able to get her back to the apartment, he wanted her to know that it wouldn't just be Jesse taking pleasure from being with her.

  Her eyes fluttered open, but she didn't pull away from him, and she didn't rebuild the walls between them. New warmth flooded him as she sent back just one single emotion. Love. There was no sense of separation, no justification, no edge to it. It was just the sort of expansive, flowing sensation that he'd expect from her.

  "Maybe we should go talk to Jesse," she murmured.

  "Finally," he said, with a smile. "Somebody who listens to me."

  * * * *

  Jesse twisted and turned, the sheet wrapping tighter around his legs and hips, nearly immobilizing him. He clawed at it fitfully, trying to free himself without opening his eyes, or quite escaping from the fragments of dreams that had his heart racing, his brow and neck damp with sweat. Something caught his wrist and held it firm. He tried to struggle, tried to pull away as fear crawled up his spine.

  "Jesse."

  He heard his name from a distance, but it was too far away to respond to. He tried to kick, disoriented and confused. Something cool touched his mouth, calming Jesse immediately. He parted his lips, responding to the kiss before the dreams had a chance to fade completely. The kiss was soft and brief, Gideon pulling away as Jesse opened his eyes and relaxed against the mattress. Jess reached for him again, unwilling to lose the comforting contact.

  Gideon caught his wrist and bent his arm back against the mattress, pinning him in place. "You were dreaming." The implied they were nightmares, weren't they? tinged his tone. He brushed another kiss across his mouth. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just walked out like that last night."

  Jesse shook his head, just happy Gideon was back. He blinked the sleep from his eyes, becoming more and more aware of Gideon's firm hold on his wrist and the weight of Gideon's body against him. "Last night? What time is it?"

  "Almost seven." His gaze raked down Jesse's chest. "I thought breakfast in bed today sounded like a good idea." His eyes were black by the time they met Jesse's again, and slowly, Gideon grabbed his other wrist and pinned that arm as well. "Wanna be my breakfast?"

  The shadows that still lingered from his dreams were banished by Gideon's dark gaze. The simple question triggered an immediate response--his pulse hammered, his cock stirred, and his skin flushed pink. "Yes," he whispered, needlessly.

  The heavenly weight holding him down disappeared then, and Gideon stood at the end of the bed, arms folded across his chest. "Strip," he ordered. "I'm going to tie you down and show you exactly how sorry I am for last night."

  Jesse didn't need to hear another word. He untangled himself from the sheet and pushed it away, then peeled his T-shirt from his chest and tossed it aside. His sweats followed, and the air felt blessedly cool against his over-heated skin. By the time he settled back against the pillows, he was fully erect. He placed his wrists above his head automatically, his skin already tingling where the cuffs would snap into place.

  Gideon snapped the cuffs around his ankles first, then moved to the head of the bed to do the wrists. He chose the nearest one first, forcing himself to kneel on the edge of the bed and lean over Jesse's head in order to reach the other. By the time he pulled back, a sly grin curved his mouth, and he stopped to give Jess a hard kiss before straightening.

  "I've got to get something from the other room first," he said. "I'll be right back."

  Jesse's mind immediately went to the cabinet upstairs that housed all of Gideon's favorite toys and tools. He probably wouldn't choose the whip again, but he did mention breakfast. Maybe something sharp or something like...

  "Emma?" Jesse blinked several times as Gideon shut the door behind her, like a dream he had abandoned had walked into the room. He pulled at his restraints, trying to sit up. His nudity didn't bother him so much as the cuffs. "What's going on? Gideon?"

  "Lie down, boy."

  The tone of his voice brooked no argument, and Jesse obeyed immediately, though his eyes continued to jump between the two. Emma looked nervous, glancing almost shyly back at Gideon as he guided her to the foot of bed. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, the polished make-up she'd worn to White scrubbed free of her skin, and the simple sundress she wore was one Jesse had admired more than once. She looked beautiful. Then again, she always looked beautiful.

  When Gideon stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, he saw Emma catch her breath, her large, dark eyes fixing on Jesse. The sudden hitch in her chest diverted his attention lower for a second, and he swallowed down the lump in his throat at the visible points of her hardened nipples.

  "Since you two were being stubborn last night," Gideon was saying, "I decided to be the grown-up here and actually do something about this fucked up mess of our lives."

  Jesse wasn't sure he agreed with Gideon's definition of grown-up. Tricking a person and tying him to the bed didn't seem very grown-up. For a moment, he wondered if Gideon had somehow managed to trick Emma, too, but she seemed to be there of her own volition. She certainly didn't seem uncomfortable or upset.

  "What are you going to do?"

  "What you want to." Gideon's fingers traced the straps of Emma's sundress downward, onto the bodice and over the swell of her breasts. When Gideon cupped them and squeezed, she and Jesse gasped at the same time, though her head was the one to fall back, resting on Gideon's chest. "I thought you'd be glad to see Emma. She's luscious, isn't she?"

  "Yes, she is," Jesse agreed--there was no reason not to. But Jesse didn't understand. He didn't understand why Emma was there, why she was letting Gideon touch her like that, why Gideon planned to fuck her--because there was no mistaking his intentions--or why this was supposed to help. And he definitely didn't understand the funny, unfamiliar ache that spread from his thighs to his lower stomach and up to chest. "She's beautiful." And they were beautiful together, which didn't help the ache.

  As Gideon's deft fingers worked the tiny pearl buttons on her sundress open, one by one, exposing the simple line of her bra and inch upon inch of her porcelain skin, he bent down and murmured in her ear.

  "Talk to him. This is your best opportunity because there's going to reach a point where all you can
do is scream and then you'll have missed your chance."

  Emma swallowed. "Ethan and I broke up last night," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

  Jesse bit back the smile that threatened to erupt. Even if he was happy about the news--and he was--grinning like an idiot didn't seem appropriate. But the vise that had closed around his chest the night before loosened immediately, and he took his first easy breath, releasing it in a sigh of relief.

  "Why?"

  Her breath quickened when Gideon eased the dress off her shoulders, letting it pool heedlessly around her feet. "Because he found out I didn't love him."

  Gideon pinched her covered nipple, making Emma cry out at the sudden contact. It took several seconds before she seemed to recover enough of her composure to speak, and when her dark eyes leveled again with Jesse's, there was a fresh shine in them that sent a spark to his groin.

  "He made me choose. Him or you." She shook her head, her hair falling over her shoulders. "And I could never give you up. For anybody. I love you too much."

  He heard the words, but it took several beats for them to register. He recognized this light-headed, numb feeling of shock well. It was exactly the same thing he went through when Gideon confessed he loved him, only now, there was no distance, no place to retreat to. There was just Emma, and her open face, and the words he'd never expected.

  Gideon caught his eye, and he didn't have to say a word for Jesse to know exactly what he was thinking. I told you so. His fingers went to her other nipple, and this time, Jesse thought he could feel it, too.