Mosaic Moon Read online

  "I don't back away from what I commit to, Jess. You know that."

  Jesse smiled, like he didn't expect any other answer from her. He took her hand and kissed the back tenderly. "I do." He straightened, returning to his corner of the bed. "John and I have been over what it'll take to prepare for the ritual. We won't need you for the first part, but you should come on Friday night."

  Through the relief that now came from John emanated a fresh strand of confusion. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes flickering between them. "I get the distinct feeling that I'm in an entirely different movie than the pair of you. Weren't there an awful lot of protestations about being just friends the last time I saw you together, or am I sicker than I thought?"

  Emma colored. "No, that's what we said. Then. It's...different now."

  "Yes," Jesse said, meeting John's eyes. "It is different now. Emma's an important part of my life, and I won't tolerate anything that puts her in undue danger or distress."

  John's shrug was nonchalant. "What are you going to do, kill me? You'll have to stand in line for that, I'm afraid."

  "John, I'm serious. If you don't play straight with me from now on, I'll walk away. I can channel the power from him without returning it to you."

  Emma held her breath, waiting for John to say something. There was a power struggle going on between the two men, partially induced by Jesse's frustration at how much he'd been kept in the dark before things got really bad, partially induced by his protective feelings for her, and the last thing she wanted was to get in the way of them resolving their issues. Jesse considered John a friend, but a lot of John's behavior the past couple weeks had shaken that friendship.

  She only exhaled when John smiled at Jesse.

  "I shall always regret that you met Gideon first," he said. "You would have made an excellent apprentice."

  Some of the tension drained from Jesse's frame, and now Emma felt the warmth from him that she expected to feel earlier.

  "I'll catch Emma up on everything later so you can rest. What do you want to do about the wards?"

  John's eyes grew clouded. "I don't suppose I could trouble you to put a few in place before you go? I'll make it worth your while, of course. The Tappan Grimoire, perhaps? You can't already have that one in your collection."

  "I'll take care of it," Jesse promised. He began searching through the books. "Emma, why don't you keep John company while I put the wards in place and straighten up our mess here? It shouldn't take me long."

  "Of course." She smiled at John and leaned forward, feigning conspiracy but keeping her voice loud enough for Jesse to clearly hear. "That just leaves more tiramisu for us anyway."

  The amused shake of Jesse's head and rasping chuckle from John were enough to dispel her worries about what was to come, at least for the time being. Because the worst wasn't over. Far from it. Before Friday, she still had to convince Ethan to agree to the plan.

  Somehow.

  Chapter 21

  * * *

  Emma sat outside Ethan's apartment building for half an hour before finding the courage to get out of her car. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to look into his eyes and remember all the things he'd said to her, before and during the break-up, and she didn't want to have to ask for something potentially dangerous when he had every reason to turn her down. She didn't even know how she was going to convince him to help John. She just knew that she had to.

  The day was deceptively clear, the sky blue and tranquil above, a slight wind picking up the loose hem of her blouse and flattening it against her stomach. Emma used the time it took her to walk up the path to the security-locked front door to carefully erect all her walls again. She was getting lax about doing that when she was outside of the museum. Being around Gideon and Jesse, and their express desires to let her in, had already started taking its toll.

  Standing in front of the intercom, Emma took a deep breath before pressing the button for Ethan's apartment. Her finger was shaking. Her walls were going to be useless. Ethan was going to know as soon as she stepped inside--if he even let her inside--that her head was a mess. He had always been astute in that way, if not in picking up on her growing feelings for Jesse and Gideon.

  Ethan didn't answer immediately. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough and distant. "What do you want?"

  Her throat closed, but she pressed the button and leaned closer to the intercom. "It's Emma. Can I come up?"

  Another long pause. "No."

  She closed her eyes. This was never going to work. But closing her eyes just brought up images of how tiny John had looked in his bed, how transparent his skin had been, and she knew she had to keep trying.

  "Please, Ethan," she said. "I need to talk to you about something very important. We don't have to do it here if you don't want to, but...please."

  "Go away, Emma." There was such a note of finality in his voice that her heart dropped and she turned away from the intercom. "Wait." His voice jumped out of the speaker. "Just...wait right there."

  "Okay," she replied. She stepped out from the eaves and back into the sunshine. The heat beating down did little to ease the chill in her bones, and her stomach had decided to start doing its own little mambo. He's coming down. That's a good thing. But the fact that he wouldn't even let her inside the building didn't bode well. He didn't want to see her, and she couldn't blame him. It was crazy to think that she had any right whatsoever to make such a demand on him.

  She almost didn't recognize him when he stepped out of the building, blinking against the bright light. His hair stuck out in every direction, and he hadn't shaved in several days. His clothes were clean, but wrinkled, and they didn't match. She suspected he had randomly thrown them on before coming downstairs. He stayed in the shade of the building, and leaned against the door, his arms crossed.

  "What's so important?"

  All thoughts of asking for his help fled in light of his appearance. "Are you all right?" Emma blurted, taking a step toward him.

  He quickly sidestepped, like she was holding something disgusting. "Me? I'm peachy."

  She jolted to a halt. His demand for distance was more telling than if he'd exploded at her. If she pressed too hard, he'd retreat entirely, and that was the last thing she wanted. It wasn't even about getting help for John any more. She hated seeing Ethan like this, especially knowing it was all her fault.

  "I came because I need your help." She kept her tone soft, opting away from any sort of aggression. "And there's nobody else I can ask."

  Ethan didn't look impressed. "I'm not that guy any more, Emma. You saw to that."

  "You said you'd be there if I needed anything. Has that changed?"

  "Unless you need a pint of whiskey with a big chaser of self-pity, I don't think I can do anything for you right now."

  "Maybe you should let me be the judge of that. A man's life is in danger, and you might be a little..." She searched desperately for a word that wouldn't make the situation worse, but in the end, could only find, "...distracted right now, but I don't think you'd want to stand by if there was something you could do to save him."

  "Distracted?" Ethan snorted. "Yeah, I'd say I'm a little fucking distracted right now. Just a little. And I think you've got me confused with Saint Jesse."

  Something inside Emma snapped. "Thinking you wouldn't want to turn your back on somebody who's dying isn't about thinking you're Jesse. It's about thinking you're human. Which you are, in case you've forgotten."

  "Are you going to lecture me, Emma? If that's your plan, you might as well save your breath." He put his hand on the handle of the door, pulling away from her further. "Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised that, yet again, somebody else is more important to you than I am."

  She bolted forward, closing the distance between them in fear of him walking away entirely, and grabbed his arm. "Don't do this," she said. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about hurting you like I did, and if there was anything I could do to make it better,
you have to know I'd do it. I would. I hate that this is so painful, and I hate even more that I'm the cause, but this isn't about either one of us and I don't know how to convince you of that."

  Ethan stiffened and asked softly, "What do you want from me?"

  Emma took a deep breath to steady her nerves but didn't let go of Ethan's arm. "That grave robber Derek and Jesse are looking for? He's stealing magic, not bodies, and it's killing John. We've figured out a way to stop him, to steal the magic back, but it needs two focal points to attract the power. Like lightning rods." She paused. "Like empaths. I'm going to be one of them, but it won't work if we don't have two."

  Ethan stared at her for a long beat. "Are you serious? So it's not even anything I need to do? You just need a lightning rod, and I happen to be the most convenient empath in the area." He shook his head. "Put an ad in the paper, Emma."

  "We don't have time for that. We have to do this tomorrow night, or John dies."

  "Maybe if you had something to offer me besides the warm, fuzzy feeling I get from putting my life at risk to save the life a complete stranger."

  Her heart leapt at his words. It wasn't a no, and he hadn't walked away from her. "Anything," she said. "John knows how desperate this is. Just tell me what you want."

  "Don't make promises you won't keep, Emma. Would you lower your walls for me?"

  The query took her by surprise. A small line appeared between her brows as she searched his even features, but the man before her was almost a stranger. "Do you mean in general? Or now?"

  "Right now."

  She didn't have a choice. Though she knew his emotions were wreaking havoc inside him, Emma knew she had to give him what he wanted. It was a small price to pay for a man's life.

  "Okay," she murmured. She took a deep breath, steadied her hand on his arm, and in the space of time it took to blink, lowered the barriers he'd taught her to erect.

  Emma knew to expect a tumult of emotion, but not the chaos that assaulted her. Her chest ached as the sensations wound tighter and tighter around her, until she thought her heart was going to break. Her head throbbed, her eyes watered, and it just kept coming. Hurt, betrayal, shock, regret, and love like bitter herbs on her tongue. She tried to counter with her own feelings, but nothing could dull the edge of pain.

  He pushed her away abruptly, and she barely had a chance to catch herself before hitting the wall.

  "What do you think? Will any altruistic impulses help with that?"

  She blinked to try and stop the flow of tears. "What do you want me to do?" she demanded. "I told you the truth when you asked for it. I gave you a clean break. I don't know what you want from me, Ethan."

  "Maybe one day you'll see me as something other than a means to an end. You used me before, and you came here to see if you could use me again. And like the sucker I am, I'm going to agree to it."

  "I didn't use you. Okay, yes, maybe this time, we're both getting used, but what happened between us before, that wasn't about me using you. You could have walked away at any point. You could have said no when Michelle introduced us. You were here because you wanted to be here. You were here because we both wanted you here."

  "Right, we both wanted me here. Until you got the one you really wanted, I know." He rubbed his eyes. "Just tell me when and where, okay?"

  She rattled off the details Jesse had given her automatically, her blood roaring in her ears. "Can you find that on your own?" she asked when she was done. "Because I can always come pick you up..."

  "I think I can handle it. Do I need to do anything special? Burn some herbs? Draw a pentagram? Pray to the moon?"

  "No, Jesse's going to take care of all that. But you're going to need a ride home, most likely. The ritual is supposed to be a little...draining, he said. Like crashing from an adrenaline high."

  "Right. A ride home." Ethan nodded and unlocked the door. "Got it. If I don't see you again before this happens, be careful." And then he ducked into the building's cool shadows, the door swishing shut behind him.

  Emma stared at the space he'd just filled for long seconds, unaware of the sun blazing down overhead, before turning on her heel and heading blindly for her car. Her hands were shaking as she unlocked it, a blast of hot air hitting her in the face as she slid inside. It was done. He'd agreed. So why didn't she feel any better?

  Taking out her phone, she punched in Jesse's number, her gaze straying back to Ethan's building. Only when his soft voice came over the line was she able to look away. "He's going to do it," she said without preamble.

  "He is? Why?"

  "Because I asked him to. Because he's a good man. Because..." Her voice broke, and she dug the heel of her hand into her eyes, stemming the outburst that threatened to come. "Tell John everything's a go. He should sleep better tonight at least."

  "I'll do that." Jesse paused. "Are you okay? I'm at John's now, but I can meet you at your place."

  The relief that flooded through her at his offer stunned her. "Could you? Because I'm not. Okay, I mean. I can't...God, Jess, you should have seen him. He looks awful, and I think he's been drinking. And the things he's feeling now..."

  "He's still drinking? I thought Michelle would have put a stop to that."

  "Why would Michelle...wait. What do you mean, still drinking? How'd you know he was?"

  "Ethan...dropped by for a visit the other day. He was waiting for me when I got home from lunch with you. He was pretty toasted. I called Michelle to pick him up. I thought if anybody could get him sobered up, she could."

  She wanted to ask why he hadn't told her, but Emma already knew the answer to that. Jesse wouldn't have wanted to upset her, and it most undoubtedly would have. She sagged back into her seat and closed her eyes.

  "I suck at this whole relationship business," she said. "I don't know how people deal with this."

  "You're doing fine at this whole relationship business," Jesse assured her. "And this situation is a bit more complicated than normal relationship business, don't you think?"

  Emma snorted. "I think that's an understatement."

  She could hear the smile in his voice. "Yeah, probably. How long will it take you to drive home?"

  "Twenty minutes. Unless you wanted to eat, in which case I have to stop and get something."

  "Why don't you do that, and I'll see you in about forty minutes."

  "Okay." She'd almost disconnected when she thought to add, "I love you."

  Jesse had been all business before, his voice crisp even when he was planning to meet her. But he softened now. "I love you, too. And I'm proud of you."

  She let him go then, already starting to feel a little better. Forty minutes couldn't come fast enough.

  Chapter 22

  * * *

  Ethan was sitting on a fresh grave, his back against the stone, when Jesse arrived. He looked up as Jess approached, watching him with surprisingly clear eyes. Jesse was more than a little surprised to see him. He knew Emma said that Ethan would be there, but the other man had no reason to keep his word. It would have been easier, and safer, for him to duck out of town, or hide in his apartment and get drunk.

  But when Jesse saw Ethan's calm face, he realized that wasn't fair. He had expected Ethan to back out on his word, just because he didn't like the man. Ethan didn't speak as Jesse knelt at the foot of the grave and unpacked the ingredients from his bag. He just watched, his face inscrutable. Initially, Jesse was relieved Ethan didn't feel like chatting, but as the sun sank behind the trees, Jesse began to wish Ethan would say something.

  "So what was your back-up plan?" Ethan finally asked, as Jesse placed candles in a wide circle around him.

  "My back up plan for what?"

  "I know you were surprised to see me. You must have had a back-up plan," Ethan said.

  "No. I don't know what Emma told you about this, but there's no back-up plan. No second option."

  "So if this doesn't work, your friend is going to die?"

  "Yes," Jesse said, without glancing u
p.

  "Is this dangerous?"

  "Didn't you ask Emma that before you agreed?"

  "No."

  Jesse frowned. Had Ethan asked for any real details? Had he just agreed to it without clarifying what he was agreeing to? "I wouldn't ask Emma...or you...to risk your lives for John."

  "I suppose that's comforting."

  Jesse shrugged, glancing at his watch. Gideon would be calling him in five minutes to start the spell. He wished they weren't separated by nearly thirty miles. If anything went wrong, there was no back-up. For either of them. And it made him feel sick to his stomach to be away from Emma, even if the risk was relatively minor.

  "Where do you want me?" Ethan asked.

  "Right where you are," Jesse said, lighting the final candle. The flames sputtered in the dying sunlight, but there wasn't enough of a breeze to blow them out. Once that was done, he reached for the black, heavy powder that John had provided. Made of ground quartz and obsidian, it would act to sharpen the effects of the spell and turn Ethan into the focal point. He spread it in a tight circle.

  "How long will it take?" He sounded mildly curious, like it had nothing to do with him.

  "There's the standard ten minutes of chanting, then another ten minutes for the spell itself. I don't know how long it'll take for the effects to fade, though. Could be minutes. Could be longer."

  "Am I going to levitate or anything?"

  Jesse took a step back to survey his work. "You know, I don't know. I hope not. I hadn't planned for that."

  "I was worried about levitating, so I didn't drink today."

  "It might have made it easier," Jesse said, not understanding the connection. "I'd probably want to be a bit buzzed in your shoes."

  "Are you a bit buzzed now?"

  "No." He glanced at his watch again. Two minutes. "Don't move, if you can help it, and try not to speak. You're sitting at the center of an enneagram. All of the power he siphoned from John at this point will be drawn back to you."